Lest I Forget

Blob found this on U-Tube and wanted everyone to see it - fantastic for all you Muppet Fans - whatever and whoever you are!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY

I've cheered up now and it was watching this clip that did it!

Enjoy!

Bob

It's Christmas!!!!!

3 days to go til Christmas.

Am I happy??? No!

She, and by she I am refering to that treacherous Blob wot lives with me. She is going to her sisters for Christmas. She will be leaving at stupid o'clock on Christmas Day and not coming back til half past hangover on Boxing Day. So where does that leave me - at home alone in the cold house with a cold duvet and cold bed to sleep in. Do I get turkey and all the trimmings? No. Do I get ham on toast in the morning? No. Do I get to snuggle up on her knee to watch Doctor Who in the evening? No.

I am so not happy - also, she has a date this evening. Not a night out with work colleagues, or a quick drink with friends. Oh no, she is going up to London to meet a man for a drink. Did i get to vet him? No. Did I get asked if I minded? No. Did I get deserted without even being fed? Yes. Its at times like this that I am really chuffed we have the other pink Blob. She will feed me because she has a heart.

I'm going to curl up in Blob's bed now to do some serious sulking. If shes really lucky I'll puke on her bed just to get my own back. And that wont be the first time either!

Yours aggrievedly and a not particuarly happy christmas to me - (or tiny tim.)

Bah Humbug!


Bob

Bob's Back!

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!

And I am so so sorry for not having posted in so long! Life has been frantique (thats frantic with a French accent!) Well, what has happened - where to start.

First things first. The Dinner Party was an enormous success - I got crackling, pork, cream cheese and potatoes - mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I think the guests had a good time as well. Blob had 5 guests, one of whom was driving, and she put about 11 empty bottles in the recyling the next day. I think theres a word for that sort of excess, but ill let it lie, lets face it, I had an awful lot of yummies out of it! She was too hungover to argue when i asked.

Secondly, the heating is on, the woodburner is making an appearance at the weekends and i get to come in out of the rain and stand on blob's face in bed - blobs morning language has become progressively worse for some reason.

Thirdly - the sushi bar has had a bit of a civil war. Crispin has now eaten all the other little minnows, so Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Dibble and Grub are now no more. Lucretia is still with us, but still cant make up her mind which colour she wants to be and keeps changing from yellow to black to yellow. Matilda was a bit too small to cope with the other beasties so she met a sad end, and for some reason Algernon has vanished. The other pink Blob who lives with us thinks that she may have sucked it up with the water syphon whilst cleaning them out. Either way - we are down to four sushi - Crispin, Talulah, Oliver and Lucretia. But to my delight they just keep getting bigger and bigger. All the more sushi for me!

Blob reckons that we need a resolution for the new year to put a new blog on at least weekly. Time will tell, but we are starting out before the new year to get the practice in!

So glad to be back and Merry Christmas everyone, including Tiny Tim (whoever he is).

Bob

There's definitely a chill in the air ...

... and that's a good thing. It means longer snuggles in the morning and it means the wood burner gets lit at the weekend. I even overheard her arranging for the chimney sweep earlier today.

It's only a guess, but taking into account the chimney sweep and the dinner party on Saturday, I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be spending Saturday evening lying on my back in front of a furnace!

Its only a matter of time before the heating goes on - although Blob seems to think that wearing a jumper and woolly socks in the evening will stave off the fateful moment that the switch gets flipped - she won't last much longer!

Life is good when it gets chilly!.

Also, we have a new sushi bar. She has replaced the 24 litre tank with a 45 litre tank and is getting more titbits for me. Now, as well as Crispin, Oliver, Talulah, Algie and the little 'uns Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Dibble and Grubb (remember that Cuthbert met his end probably by being eaten by Crispin), there is now a new one - this one is a Lemon Goldfish with black tips to her fins and black cheeks, and her name is Lucretia. She's pretty and if she follows form, she will be a he - but Blob doesn't seem to think that matters. And I don't care, because she or he, they all taste yummy!

So that's sushi and the woodburner covered - the only thing left in order to make it a perfect weekend is a nice piece of warm crackling off the joint - and believe me, one way or another I'll get some!

Mmmmmmmmmmm!

Domestic Goddess My Arse!

Insane! I tell you - Insane!

That is Blob this week. She's been up against it at work - trying to meet deadlines. She's been rehearsing a presentation, creating an on-line training course and training people up in London - but still she spends hours poring over books in order to plan a menu for next Saturday.

So far she has come up with the following:

Starter - Half a Beef Tomato, scooped out and stuffed with diced feta, tomato and cucumber - dressed with a balsamic vinegar, oil and mint dressing, served with posh lettuce. (That's what she calls the lettuce leaves you get in bags in Sainsburys!)

Main - Loin of Pork, stuffed with Apricots, Pine Nuts, Celery, Onions, Cream Cheese, Coriander and Pepper.

Served with - Red Cabbage cooked with Apple, Cranberries and Port. (Not sure if she wants to make this herself, or buy it from Ikea, and yes, Ikea strangely enough sells large jars of this. Minus the Port obviously but she would add that in if it comes to it).

Also, Carrots cut into batons, part boiled then finished in the oven in Butter and Honey.

And not forgetting spuds - shes going to quarter the potatoes and bake them with chopped spring onions, salt and pepper.

Then to finish shes going to make one of her amazing Pavlova Roulades, probably with Strawberries, Whipped Cream with White Chocolate Chips and a Summer Fruit Coulis. But she's still deliberating the filling.

No doubt another several hours to be spent leafing through her Gordon Ramsey - although, I reckon that she spends more time poring over the pictures in her Gordon Ramsey than the recipes. I too would like to know why he spends so much time taking his shirt off!

She also seems to think that she is going to make bread rolls so she can serve them warm straight out of the oven. Taking on a bit much I think but she won't learn.

I only show an interest because I like to help. And from experience I can help lick the butter and honey off the carrots and then try and run off with the crackling whilst she is trying to save the carrots.

Life is sweet!

Roll on Saturday.

Luv

Bob

Work, Work, Work!

If she's not going on holiday, then she's going away on business. Leeds, Birmingham, Newcastle, in that order. So she goes away on Monday and rolls in on Friday night at 9.30. Does she pet me? Does she love me? No, she falls into a bath and then bed, and doesn't rouse herself til Sunday!!

She has re homed the sushi into a 45 litre tank and is thinking about getting more - how much temptation is a little cat expected to take. Not that I am a little cat. According to the vet I am a bloody great brute of a cat. But still temptation is temptation.

Also, this weekend, her sister called and invited herself, her boyfriend and two complete strangers to dinner on 17th. Blob is fine with it, she likes entertaining, but i think its a bloody cheek. Ill have to clear out for hours and will get shouted at when i try to help lay the table or stuff the pork loin with her.

No blooming fun.

Hope she burns it!

She came back!

At long last, Blob came back from Cornwall. She had a lovely time by all accounts.

Apparently Tintagel is now up a mountain. She was quite

insistent that it wasn't up so many stairs when she went as a child, but now apparently it is several hundred steps to the top and you have to climb up to two tops to see it all.

She also went to see something called Boscastle. A

few years ago, the tide came in a lot and flooded the whole town. I wouldn't have liked that - too wet. Not keen on wet.

She also went to a place called Polzeath which is where she and her sister blob were dragged kicking and screaming every Easter for many many years.

The little shabby chalets that they stayed in were gone but it is still a popular tourist area. She found the rock pool that they fished in every year for sticklebacks.

I wonder if the sticklebacks remembered her. They always threw them back so i spect there might have been 20 year old sticklbacks looking up and saying 'Oh my god, she's back - hide lads!'

She also went to Padstow, thats a town

that you can either drive to in a civilised manner, or you can get a ferry over the bay to. I'm unimpressed - who would choose a waterlogged route to go shopping - Blob did. Shes not all there, I'm quite sure of that!

She went in search of wine in Cornwall - The Camel Valley is the place to go by all accounts - it even looks like France!

She also went to Bodmin. I was quite interested in that. Rumour has it that there is a 'Bodmin Beast' that has been sighted at regular intervals on the Moor. Well, last I heard, Aunty Alice had got her self a West Country address so perhaps the mysterious sightings have been of Alice making her way home after a pub lock in. No stranger to all night sessions at the local pub is Aunty Alice.

Anyhow, Blob saw wild ponies and cows grazing and trecked up to the top of some tor to look at some rock formations (she is so strange!)

Then she goes and treks for half an hour

of the beaten track to look at some white water (its this water thing again - why can't she just leave it alone - I hate water! But the pictures are pretty, ill have to give her that, and I expect there are loads of shiny fish in there!

I don't believe it!

Blob has barely been back from Norfolk 8 weeks and shes packing up to go to Cornwall (wherever that is). I am not holding out any hope for a place on this evidently exciting and addictive pastime - I shall be left at home to the mercy of the other Blob to feed me if i'm lucky. I can sense some feline weightloss coming.

That reminds me, I never published this because the indignity of a trip to the vet isn't something i like to dwell on - but I lost a whole pound last year - the vets very pleased indeed, although when Blob and I left the vets, I'm quite sure I heard her telling the receptionist that I was a 'Bloody Great Brute of a Cat!'

Is that good?

Any how back to that ingrate buggering off to Cornwall.

As soon as I realised something was up and the tent was being dusted down, I decided to show Blob how much she is actually appreciated. So I brought her a present. I thought long and hard about what to get her and then I remembered that she is always chattering away to those porky little birds on the fence - you know the ones with the pretty red chests. So I brought her one.

She should have been delighted, but there was definately an air of 'angst' and not very well hidden 'crossness' the next morning.

She wandered about muttering, 'I don't ask much, I turned a blind eye to the doormouse, the firecrest and the bats, but you have to go and get a Robin.'

Well if I had known the bird was a friend of hers called Robin, I wouldn't have touched him - maybe.

So I am now sulking, and she is still packing.

I hope it rains!

Bob

x

The case of the disappearing Minnow!

Life has been fairly uneventful here in my house with Blob. So quiet in fact that I have had to take up a new hobby. I am now an official cat detective. Exciting isn't it!.

It all started when Blob, not being satisfied with her three vaguely happy fish and all their somewhat strange sexual shenanigans, and she came home with six minnows. I believe that they had a posh name such as 'White Cloud Mountain Minnows', but who cares! The interesting thing was that there were six shiny swimmy things flying around the sushi bar and as soon as Blob leaves for work, I spent many happy hours on the kitchen work surface counting them!

It was a couple of weeks ago that she invited another Blob round for supper (to which i was not invited despite several passionate attempts to sit on the table.)

So there we are, my Blob, the other Blob that lives here and a third Blob all gathered around the sushi bar ignoring me. Third blob said ' so what are your minnows called'. My Blob responded, 'Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub'. Apparently this is a 'Blob Joke'!

Third Blob looked very closely at the sushi bar and said, 'but there are only five!'

Now the facts of the matter appear to be as follows:

• Goldfish do not eat minnows.
• They have plenty to eat.
• There are lots of plants for them to eat.
• Talulah is persuing anything vaguely female with vigorous enthusiasm.
• Crispin is looking extremely large and slow.
• The algae eater 'Algernon' is just a cleaner - or is he. Hong Kong Fooey was supposedly just a cleaner so perhaps Algernon has a secret alter ego.
• Oliver (nice but dim) is still looking very pretty and floaty and therefore obviously innocent.

I spent hours and hours interrogating the sushi (actually I just lay down next to the Sushi Bar and stared at them), and have come up with the following theories:

• Goldfish probably don't intend to eat minnows, but Crispin has a very big mouth.
• Talulah may have been particularly attracted to the vanished Minnow (subsequently discovered to be Cuthbert) and in view of the considerable size difference, any covert activities of a possibly sexual nature would have probably finished Cuthbert off.
• Crispin laid some eggs, and then wasn't so large and slow - so is either completely not guilty of nefarious activities, or was suffering from pre natal depression and can put in a plea of temporary insanity.
• Algernon is actually leading a double life, not as a super hero, but as a disgraced government assassin in hiding.
• Oliver is still so floaty and pretty and watchable that she couldn't be involved in any way. (Take my word on that - I'm a cat)

Anyway, two water changes later, and we've still not found the skeleton so the theories will remain, but what really happened to Cuthbert will remain a mystery to all of us (except the sushi - obviously).

Ooooh, its supper time!!!!!!!!!!!

Speak soon.

Bob

HeShe Sushi!

Its all go at the moment. Blob has finally re populated the sushi bar - Oh Happy Day!

There's little Crispin - hes the oldest surviving fishy. He's grey with a short fan tail, kind of dapper in a fishy kind of way.

Then came Talulah - shes something special - she is what is called a Sarassa Comet - long and streamlined, red on the top and white on the bottom.

Third came Oliver - hes a bit of a fancy fantail with such a long flowing tail it keeps appearing places before he does. Awfully pedigree and in bred, so somewhat stupid.

Finally, came Algernon - hes a little loachy type of fish and sticks to the floor, the plants or the edge of the tank and eats Algae, so kind of the cleaning staff, well thats what Oliver thinks (he is such a snob its not true, but thats pedigree for you).

All was going well, they are all healthy and happy and Blob was elated. If shes happy she feeds me more!

However, she came home the other night and was extremely concerned that Talulah had turned bad and was chasing Crispin and Oliver mercilessly around the tank and trying to eat their tails.

I have to admit, watching fish chasing eachother round and round the tank, flicking their little fins and glistening in the light really does it for me, but Blob wasn't having it.

She spent hours on the internet researching prominent ridges on the abdomen and something called 'outy bottoms'.

Finally, she came to the scientific conclusion that Oliver and Crispin are girls and the lovely Talulah is a boy. Not sure about Algernon - but he is the cleaner and he only comes out at night so he doesn't count.

I am now watching with great interest because if Talulah has her/his way and it doesn't appear that Oliver and Crispin have much choice, there could well be more sushi on the way!

Result!

Bob

Sutton Who?

Yet more drivel from Blob about where she went on holiday - do I look like I care? I would perhaps have cared had she taken me - but she didn't - so I don't.

Anyway, on the way home she took a detour around Suffolk and went to see some attraction where there were loads of dead bodies. (Dead things have never particularly had much appeal to me - they dont move - although there was that one time i tried to get a road kill squirrel through the cat flap - but that is another story (I will say however that Blob wasn't terribly impressed - she was meant to think i had caught it but apparently the tyre tracks gave it away!)

Apparently the dead bodies have been buried in Sutton Hoo for ages, at least since last Wednesday, and they were found in a huge mound. I would tend to bury other things in a large mound of earth, but blobs are strange creatures.

Although most of what was found in the mound was exhibited in the museum, they had left one of them for people to find which I find very sensible indeed. I'm always leaving dead things for Blob to find and she loves finding them.

To be honest, theres normally considerably more left of the dead things I leave lying around, but these were left so long ago I guess they hadn't quite got the hang of it yet.

I'm now going to find some live things so i can leave dead things for Blob. I never cease in my efforts to please her despite the fact she didn't take me on holiday.

Bob

Bewilderwood

Back again!

One of the things Blob kept going on about when she came back from her holiday (that's the one she took without me lest anyone forget), is this thing called Bewilderwood.

Apparently it is quite brilliant from concept through delivery and she thinks everyone should go there at some point (not me evidently or she would have taken me with her on holiday - not that i'm bitter).

It is a theme park with a difference in that there are no machines or rides or water flumes, but it is a green place inhabited with faerie folk of different types. They live in the trees and make rope bridges and have adventures

as detailed in two books that have been written to accompany the park.

Blobs favourite bit apparently was the den making area. In her words, "Sod Health and Safety - its just a huge area with plenty of trees and loads of branches and logs. The kids run riot building themselves dens and even I, as a vaguely responsible adult crushed my finger quite badly but who cares! Thats what happens when you make a great den."

The website, should any of you be as weird as my Blob is www.bewilderwood.co.uk. Worth a look and if you ever go to the Norfolk Broads, then it is apparently an essential part of your holiday.

Thats Blobs opinion anyway but she is a bit odd. Her final words on the subject were, "The only thing that spoiled it for me were all the kids!"

All I can say on the matter is that I wonder if Faerie Folk flutter about in an attractive way, or rustle through the undergrowth in an inviting manner and most importantly what do they taste like?

I think I'll go and watch the sushi swim round the tank now!

Bob

I'm still allive!!!!

Yes, I'm still here dispite the fact that Blob has been heartlessly neglecting me. Not only did she go away for an eternity on holiday but she has been playing mindless computer games for hours on end which meant that a) she completely omitted to love and feed me and b) wouldn't let me on the computer.

But at last I have managed to sneak a few minutes online to give you an update on life with Blob.

At the beginning of June she went away. She filled her car so full of stuff for "Camping" (What ever that is) that she obviously didn't notice that i wasn't there. So I spent a miserable week at home with the other blob who hurled food in my direction twice a day and wouldn't let me sleep with her. Cow!

Blob on the other hand apparently had a ball. She did something called "pitching a tent", slept in a sleeping bag (thats like sleeping inside the duvet apparently), cycled a lot and drank lots of beer (thats something I am only too familiar with - I mean, i'm not suggesting shes an old soak, but she manages to fill the recycling bin every week - enough said?).

Lets face it, she could of done that without going anywhere!

These are the pictures she showed me (like I was going to be

interested!)

Apparently she cycled 174 miles during the course of the week!

To be honest, i'm not sure why she told me - i'm not impressed and i'm not even sure that I believe her! She didn't come back thin or anything!

Need a kip now - its hard work being a cat!

Bob

In the Dog House .... Again!

I am in trouble yet again with Blob.

She is really quite snarly at the moment and although the blame has been laid very firmly at my paws, it really is nothing to do with me.

Since she gave up the allotment (which is a blessing) she has been spending lots of time in the little patch of land that calls itself a garden. Because I like to keep tabs on her, I like to help. To this end I frolic happily avoiding the hosepipe whilst she waters, and I insist on little tastes when she is eating cherries off the cherry tree (she has had at least 10 cherries and 2 strawberries so far).

Unfortunately the minute I try and do something all by myself, the instant I try and use my initiative ... it all goes horribly wrong.

Blob has a huge untidy patch of poppies. Great big opium producing (thats probably wishful thinking) heads of poppies in red and black and in white and black. Unfortunately although they are pretty, they tend to attract big yellow and brown hairy buzzy things. Blob refers to these as

"Bees".

Well in my defence, I was only trying to catch the buzzy things to firstly stop them annoying the poppies and secondly, I wanted to see what they tasted like, but what actually happened was that I managed to knock all the petals off the poppies with the exception of the last one.

The language was yet again unprintable and I suspect that we should be greatful that neither of our neighbours speak English as a first language.

I was furious - how was I supposed to know that it is not a good thing to eat Bees. She said that I was welcome to eat Wasps (like I look that stupid) but not Bees.

Well let me tell you, the day she manages to stop Bees looking so fluffy and bouncy and generally attractive will be the day I stop trying to taste them. And lets face it, the poppies were merely civillian casualties, and you only have to listen to the news to hear how that is apparently quite acceptable.

I got my own back ... the poppy shown in the picture also lost all its petals. It somehow happened as I was taking a short cut in order to spend a penny by the cucumbers!

I will be keeping a low profile for the foreseeable future - at least until bedtime!

Bob

Long time no write!

Well its been some time since I last sat and penned my thoughts. The reason for this is because it has been some time since I had some time to sit and pen my thoughts.

We've been busy busy busy here because Blob has decided to have a party. (Heaven Help Us!)

To this end, she has decided to get my garden neat and tidy and clear out the last of the DIY stuff and clean the living room. It doesn't sound that hard a task does it - but lets face it, as anyone that knows Blob will tell you, she doesn't do things by halves. She has just spent two four day weekends scrubbing, weeding, digging, sweeping, humping, gravelling, pruning, brick laying (yes, you read right!), chopping, sawing, filling, papering and painting, and I am completely knackered. It was exhausting watching her!

Of course, as you would expect, I tried to help on several occasions, but she didn't appreciate me trying to help her fill the flowerbed with bark chippings - I think her words were something like, "Stop sh**ing in my flowerbed you ..." and this was followed by a lot of words that I am not clear on, but I don't think they were complimentary.

On the sushi front, Blob has now re-populated the tank. We have a little grey one called Crispin and a pretty white one with a red cap called Rozita. (Apparently when you say Rozita, you have to say it in a Mexican/Spanish accent - well that's how Blob says it everytime!)

Also, Blobs weird diet appears to be working. I mean, I don't care either way as long as I get fed, but she says shes dropped nearly two stone and that makes her happy. And if Blob is happy, then i'm happy - except for the fact that there is no supper sharing any more, but when she is happy I am more likely to get second breakfasts at the weekend and that only leads to more pleasure for me. (That is a good thing).

However, now Blob is focussed on party giving, she is poring over recipe books and checking out which super market is giving best value on Beef and Sparkling Wine and I haven't seen any cat food going on the shopping list.

This could lead to trouble!

Also, rumour has it that we are going on holiday in three weeks or so, and I am not sure where we are going or whether I will like it. Where in the car is she going to fit a litter tray, and why hasn't she consulted me on where we are going. Perhaps it is going to be a surprise trip - not too keen on surprises but paws crossed it will be a good trip. I suspect the only thing worse than not going to somewhere nice for cats would be being left at home and being fed by the other Blob and having to sleep alone - but she wouldn't do that ... would she?

Concernedly yours

Bob

The Curse of the Fish Tank?

Finally, our brave little soldier Hugo, to whom I was becoming somewhat attached, gasped his last and floated to the top of the water.

Over a week ago, he was fine, and then developed an utter plague of diseases. By blobs reckoning he had white spot, fungus, fin rot and swim bladder issues all at the same time.

Because she really does have a good heart despite her constant neglect of me, she raced out to the pet shop and purchased a whole bag of medicines, then spent half a day syphoning water out, pouring water in, treating, filtering, adding plants, removing gravel, replacing gravel, testing ph, nitrates, nitrites, ammonia and chlorine.

The next day, believe it or not, little Hugo appeared to perk up. He was swimming around like a loony, eating all the plants and lookin much better.

In another couple of days, the white spots were getting a bit less and his fins appeared to be less shabby.

He continued to improve for the next couple of days and blob and I breathed a sigh of relief and blob started to plan getting some friends in for him.

The next morning however, he was floating on the surface. Blob was actually quite upset, she even kept poking him to see if he was pretending. To see perhaps that if she poked him far enough down in the water, he would wake up.

He didn't.

We have no fish at the moment. Blob is spending a couple of weeks in mourning. She has cleaned the tank and all that was in it and having treated the water, she decided to wait 3 weeks with the filter running and the plants in place to get the bacteria to proper levels.

She wants to get fish again, but she is going to wait until just before her party (and that is a whole other story).

She still didn't let me eat hugo when he was dead, but this time I am going to forgive her. She really was very upset about the demise of all her fish, especially Hugo.

I shall wait for a reasonable amount of time before I start ruling her life with teeth, claws and attitude; a couple of hours perhaps.

Must get a kip whilst I am waiting.

Bob

Curiouser and Curiouser

I look back fondly on the old days, and by the old days I am referring to last week, or even the week before, when Blob and I would curl up on the sofa and enjoy a Kebab or Chicken Curry together.

I'll be honest, I don't think she knew that we were sharing (I am very discreet)!

Anyway Blob has decided to go on something called a 'Diet'. I am unsure why but the day she explains anything to me will be a frosty one in Helheim.

I would suggest that she eats the processed muck she gives me and allows me to eat chicken curry and kebabs, but evidently this is not a likely outcome.

She has decided upon something called the Cambridge Diet, although I think the word diet is wrong. Diet would suggest that she eats small and healthy meals (like the processed muck she gives me). What she is actually doing is eating nothing for a few weeks, and just consuming soups and shakes.

OK, so its nothing to do with me, and as long as i get fed regularly, I don't care - but i don't see why we should stop the sharing thing. Sharing is what we do. So why, when she left her soup in the living room when she went to get a glass of water was she so upset when she came back to find me 'sharing it'.

It was Cheese and Broccoli - mmmmmmmm!

I only had a few licks before she shouted but it was very good. So good in fact that i managed to get my paw in it when she reached for the remote control!

Not sure that Blob is liking the diet though - she didn't drink too much more of it after she found a hair in her mouth. (Dunno how that got there!)

But thats Big Pink Blobs for you.

Bob.

It wasn't me!

It wasn't me, I didn't do it. Blobs fish have had a few internal struggles, and ultimately, two of them are no more.

I had nothing to do with their demise.

I gather from listening in on her perpetual moaning that only one of them was a bit sick, but then suddenly the little golden one she refers to as "Hugo" appeared to be not only hurrying on the death of the slightly wobbly one known as Eczema, but undertaking a systematic bashing of the cute white one called Celestine, until they both lay dead upon the surface of the water.

What really rankles is that she didn't let me eat them. They may not have been moving about and being sparkly and attractive, but that didn't matter. I could have made them dance like angels before I had my first taste of Sushi.

All she did was pick them out of the water and put them in the bin. What a damned waste of perfectly good food.

She spends all this time and effort in planting home grown produce in the back garden, but she doesn't see the potential of cutting down on my food bills by giving me the dead fish.

Stupid Blob!

Mind you, this Hugo fellow - I rather like the cut of his gib. Nothing better than a fellow creature with murderous territorial tendencies. I shall be keeping a close eye on that fish tank from now on (well more of an eye than I was keeping before hand - which was a fairly close eye to be honest).

Feeling Better

Its ok. Despite Blobs neglect, I made the night and am feeling like a little breakfast today!

Bob

I may not make the night!

Blob is useless. Statement of Fact as opposed to a whinge. She is point blank rubbish and if for one moment I thought I was going to survive the night i'd make plans to move out - but seeing as I am injured and bleeding and unlikely to go on for much longer, I'd rather lumber her with the funeral expenses.

Very early this morning i got home, i managed to drag myself through the cat flap, and then upstairs to bed. I was hurt and soggy and had to yell very loudly to wake up the lazy pink creature who was dead to the world.

At long last the light goes on and her face pops over the edge of the bed and after a modicum of concern where she squints hard at me and says "Oh dear, you have been in the wars", she then turns off the light and rolls over and says "Don't get too much blood on sheets!"

I eventually got myself on the bed and curled up on a pillow (She said nothing about blood on pillows.) And then I sulked for the rest of the night. Too sore to sleep, too sore to move, and big pink blob just snores gently next to me.

Eventually, when it gets light, she opens her eyes and starts to prod me.

"Where does it hurt?" she says. I hiss and yell and she says "Have you been fighting?"

"No shit Sherlock - course i've been fighting. It was big and it mugged me and i was fighting for my very life."

"I'll leave you to rest then" she says and then gets up and goes downstairs.

Although I would usually join her because this guarantees my breakfast, i decided to be really really ill and stay in bed so she would come up and look after me and give me food.

I waited for ages and the unfeeling cow never came. It was gone 11 when I eventually limped downstairs, and then just had the usual pouch of processed goo bunged at me.

Then I tried to sit on her for a little love and affection, and all she does is poke the sore bits and say patronising things like "Tell me who did it and I'll get them", and "Does it hurt if i poke here?".

In a fit of pique I went to bed early because I am really not good, and wanted to make sure I could get on the bed prior to my legs collapsing under me on a permament basis.

So here I am probably breathing my last, waiting for the blob to come and mop my patchy brow (lost quite a bit of hair in the brow region), and lets face it i could be waiting for ever because she's down stairs playing on the computer.

If I don't manage to survive the night, then it's been fun.

Bob