I may not make the night!

Blob is useless. Statement of Fact as opposed to a whinge. She is point blank rubbish and if for one moment I thought I was going to survive the night i'd make plans to move out - but seeing as I am injured and bleeding and unlikely to go on for much longer, I'd rather lumber her with the funeral expenses.

Very early this morning i got home, i managed to drag myself through the cat flap, and then upstairs to bed. I was hurt and soggy and had to yell very loudly to wake up the lazy pink creature who was dead to the world.

At long last the light goes on and her face pops over the edge of the bed and after a modicum of concern where she squints hard at me and says "Oh dear, you have been in the wars", she then turns off the light and rolls over and says "Don't get too much blood on sheets!"

I eventually got myself on the bed and curled up on a pillow (She said nothing about blood on pillows.) And then I sulked for the rest of the night. Too sore to sleep, too sore to move, and big pink blob just snores gently next to me.

Eventually, when it gets light, she opens her eyes and starts to prod me.

"Where does it hurt?" she says. I hiss and yell and she says "Have you been fighting?"

"No shit Sherlock - course i've been fighting. It was big and it mugged me and i was fighting for my very life."

"I'll leave you to rest then" she says and then gets up and goes downstairs.

Although I would usually join her because this guarantees my breakfast, i decided to be really really ill and stay in bed so she would come up and look after me and give me food.

I waited for ages and the unfeeling cow never came. It was gone 11 when I eventually limped downstairs, and then just had the usual pouch of processed goo bunged at me.

Then I tried to sit on her for a little love and affection, and all she does is poke the sore bits and say patronising things like "Tell me who did it and I'll get them", and "Does it hurt if i poke here?".

In a fit of pique I went to bed early because I am really not good, and wanted to make sure I could get on the bed prior to my legs collapsing under me on a permament basis.

So here I am probably breathing my last, waiting for the blob to come and mop my patchy brow (lost quite a bit of hair in the brow region), and lets face it i could be waiting for ever because she's down stairs playing on the computer.

If I don't manage to survive the night, then it's been fun.

Bob