It's Not Funny!

I have no idea where she got this or how she persuaded me to post it.

It's not funny!.

Bob

Am I Bovvered?!

The title of today's episode is so named in honour of Denise who teaches young blobs and has to take a whole load of attitude and back chat for her trouble.

I had to put that because Blob made me and threatened me with rationing if I didn't comply, so all I can say is, "Denise, I hope you are worth it"!

Blob does training for a job. Apparently its a lot easier than teaching, though I wouldn't have known the difference, because the people Blob trains are grown up Blobs and they actually want to be in the classroom. Denise on the other hand has the reluctant and adolescent unwashed to contend with.

I don't do a job. I don't actually have the time, what with keeping Blob, the other Blob and occasional guests in their places. I also have an eighteen hour sleep habit, a 2 hour eating habit and a compulsary once daily patrol of the perimeter.

But what i'm not particularly bovvered about today is Blobs new addiction.

She has joined E-bay and is currently selling all her stuff.

It started with dvd's and the odd cd. She has even managed to foist a Video (no i'm not sure what that is either) on to another unsuspecting mortal. However she is now running round the house and saying "Ooh, I could sell that on E-bay!" every time she sees something.

Even the other Blob has started to lock up her possessions in case she comes home on Monday to discover her room is now aesthetically minimalist.

So far she appears not to be interested in selling my food, my cushion, my mouse or my rug. And the bed is still where i left it, so no worries there then.

So until she starts trying to photograph my belongings and package them up for onward transmission ... like I said ... "Am I Bovvered?"

Bob

Its been a long time since we have had new sushi, so i thought that you may like to meet the guys that are now established in the sushi bar in the kitchen.

The big white and red one is called Talulah, she (who i believe is a he) is second only in the pecking order to the big grey one called Crispin. Now he (who I believe is a she) has been there the longest and has proportionally grown the most.

The pretty orange one with the fan tail is Oliver and i believe that he is actually a she but the names kind of stick. Finally, the yellow one with little black bits is called 'Lucretia'. Now I have no idea whether she is a he she, or a she she, but i do know that she has changed colour from yellow to black to yellow to black and finally back to yellow. Very strange fish indeed.

Anyhow, these pretty little wiggly flashing things are quite lovely and I spend hours appreciating them. Obviously.

Bob

Big Scary Me!

Last week, or perhaps it was the week before - (time is so hard to keep track of when you sleep 18 hours a day) Blob took her sister and her niece called Amber to a Pantomime.

A Pantomime is by all accounts a theatrical show with a substantial amount of cross dressing, thigh slapping and bawdy jollity.

This particular Pantomime was called Jack and the Beanstalk and was organised by a friend of Blobs called Danny. By all accounts it was a raging success and the night was enjoyed by everybody.

Now as you all know I am a lovable and jolly sort of cat so couldn't believe my whiskers when Amber, having come back to my house in order to use the loo before going home, wouldn't climb the stairs whilst i was sitting on them.

At first I thought it was a mark of respect - similar to walking backwards when faced with royalty, but no, she was actually scared of me.

This is a young blob who thinks nothing of rolling around the living room with a Husky - and believe me, they can be big and fierce, but she is too terrified of me to climb the stairs.

I will never understand Blobs!

I'm not sure that I like being thought of as scary - because where's the fun of taking chunks out of legs as they pass you on the stairs if they expect you to do it? I try hard to cultivate an image of serene aloofness with perchance a soupçon of feline cordiality. Its no bloody good being scary!

Perhaps this year I shall re-invent myself. I shall muse upon it whilst I have my nap before the kip I have before bedtime.

Its very tiring this blog writing I can tell you.

Bob

Found Her

What a relief - i have located Blobs mother.

When I say i found her, it is probably more truthful to say that i was sitting on the card from Blobs mother when Blob got home.

She has definitely moved to Cornwall and is now ensconced in her house which by all accounts is covered in snow.

So my Blob phoned her sister and let her know that their mother had been in touch so mystery over. Its a pity, I was rather enjoying using my superior intellect to solve the problem. Even if Blobs mother hadn't got in touch, I am quite sure that i would have solved the problem in another 40 or so hours of sleep.

Getting tired now as it happens. Must catch a few winks before bedtime.

Bob

Snow Business like Snow Business

Well, it appears that despite all the threats from the weather reports there is no snow in Epsom.

Hooray! No cold feet and a pleasant sojourn outside to the loo!

I can now concentrate all my energies on conning Blob and the other Blob into dishing out double portions of breakfast and supper. Although perhaps conning is not a good word - I think I prefer to use the words manipulating those with opposable thumbs into exceeding the needs of one without.

Blob said that I must mention the book she is reading at the moment - 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". It's brilliant and she recommends everyone she knows to read it.

You can buy it for less than a fiver by following this link to Amazon. Curious Incident.

I am now going upstairs now to curl up in the duvet and ponder on the curious case of the missing mother. I think better when I'm asleep!

Bob

It's a Mystery to me!

I overheard Blob talking to her Sister the other day and apparently they have lost their mother.

Not lost as in 'died' but lost as in 'no idea where she is'!

According to Aunt Mary Blob, she has finally completed her sale and purchase of property and has moved to Cornwall. (For those of you that don't know, Cornwall is miles and miles away to the South West. I know this because i can use the internet!)

She has apparently successfully moved, but no contact has been made as to her well being and whereabouts.

Apparently the blobs were expecting a note or a phone call saying that all was well and notifying them of her new address but this hasn't happened. They were also concerned that should their mother get ill, they would be unable to drop everything and get there, but seeing as they have no idea where 'there' is they won't have to worry about that.

That's one of the reasons I live here with Blob - she's not the most attentive of blobs, but if i get sick, she can nurse me back to health at no inconvenience to her.

I am such a considerate cat and shall continue to mastermind the search for Blob's mother from my vantage point in between fire and sofa.

Bob

The snow has gone and Being Human is back on the box.

No more snow and that's a good thing but I am still lying motionless in front of the fire roasting my belly.

Blob buggered off last week to Coventry - we spent two blissful weeks together, cozy and warm in front of the fire - and then off she trots and i dont see her for days.

I yet again threw up everywhere in protest but she still didn't return until last Wednesday. She then went back to work on the Thursday so I am now feeling totally neglected.

Such is the life of an unloved and neglected little cat.

Even though she was back home for the weekend, she spent most of it trying to find a cheap quote for car insurance and getting excited about Being Human having a second series.

I have also watched this BBC drama and am at a loss as to its popularity.

Briefly, the story encompasses the lives or indeed deaths of three supernatural beings that live in a house together whilst trying their best to 'be human' hence the title.

A vampire, a werewolf and a ghost living together is quite absurd and i can only stare at blob in disbelief as she settles down to watch it. I have an inkling that Blob believes that the existence of such supernatural creatures is quite feasible and she is quite oblivious to the fact that i scratch and bite her on a daily basis and she has not yet turned into a werebob on a full moon.

There's no accounting for folks as they say, and there's sure as hell no accounting for Blob.

At least she lives in the real world long enough to feed me and the sushi on a daily basis and for that I am thankful.

Bob

Snowly does it!

Today I actually went outside. It took a lot of staring out of the window and a lot of concentrated thinking about going out. Finally it took a squirrel making faces at me from the other side of the window. I shouted, Blob opened the door - and Bob's your uncle (well actually Bob is the cat but never mind that.) I went out. I didn't actually catch the squirrel, but I was half way up the fence by the time I realised that I had waded through white stuff to get there.

Blob thinks that I need further encouragement so she showed me this cartoon about another cat who lives with a pink blob called Simon.

http://www.simonscat.com/snowbusiness.html

I cant't say that I was overly impressed, but Blob laughs a lot when she sees it. There are other cartoons on the Simons Cat website - and Blob chortles to herself when she watches them. Apparently she sees some similarity between me and Simons Cat. I can't say I've seen any common factors but she is entitled to her opinion.

I am now drying my paws in front of the Woodburner and my tummy is full.

Life is good.

Bob

I Love Blob

Its cold outside, there's white stuff everywhere and the sky is threatening more. During particularly bad weather such as this, i choose not to go to the loo outside, but i respect Blob's wishes for me not to use the pot plants (actually i dont respect her wishes at all but she gets physical when i try!). So i try to hold it. Have you ever tried to hold it? Its so uncomfortable its not true, and three days in, I was still holding it.

Thankfully, Blob has a heart - and she came back today having driven madly around Epsom and Kingston in her 4x4 just because she could, with a big bag of cat litter.

Oh bliss - you can have no idea how good it feels. And when i had at last finished three huge wees and a substantial amount of the other Blob realised how much effort I had put in over the last few days and suddenly, nothing is too much trouble - i have been fed by the fire, given boundless cuddles, not told off when i try to get into the suzhi tank, and even brushed (but we don't tell anyone that i enjoy that!).

So things don't get much better than they are at the moment! Blob loves me and I love Blob.

Deep purry purrs

Bob

xx

Resolutions

Apparently we are making resolutions today. Well, Blob may well be making resolutions but i have been roasting my extremeties in front of the wood burner.

Im not sure how you make a resolution - it appears that its not like making a cake because she didn't go into the kitchen and swear a lot. Its not like making the bed because she doesn't do that. It could be like making a mess because she does that extremely well, but she doesn't limit mess making to once a year.

Apparently they are made metaphorically. So there is nothing to show after you have made them, but they are made just the same.

So here goes with Blobs metaphorical resolutions:

1. Lose weight.
2. Host a dinner party every two months (cant see that one helping with the weight loss - but these are Blobs resolutions and who am I to interfere.)
3. Go visit friends more than just at Christmas.
4. Be tidier (yeah right that's going to happen!)

And because I don't want to be left out, here are mine:

1. Eat more
2. Dine only on lightly poached salmon and grilled chicken.
3. Attend all of Blobs dinner parties.
4. Trip up the other Blob at the top of the stairs.
5. Sleep longer
6. Fight more
7. Get more of the duvet
8. Leave Blob more presents (as and when i get more of the duvet)
9. And finally, Eat more.

So that's resolutions made for 2010.

Bob

x

All Forgiven and a Happy New Year!!

I may have perhaps been a little hasty in my judgement of Blob. It is cold outside, and Blob and I are snuggled up together on the sofa watching Casualty. The WoodBurner is blazing and Blob is so hot, she took her trousers off.

I was lonely on Christmas night, but thats not nearly as bad as travelling for an hour to get to London to meet a man who turns out to be a) married, and b) a part time magician and he started to do magic tricks half way through the evening. She wasnt sure what she was more cross about; the wedding ring and the wife in Bournemouth to whom he goes home every weekend, or magic tricks which she hates with a passion.

She spotted a purple chaise longue in a furniture shop the other day and now drives past every day to see if the price has been slashed. Its dropped by £110 already and needs to drop another £120 before she buys it. So fingers crossed - I could do with something else to claw.

So back to Casualty and roasty snuggles til bed time!

Bob

xx