And here is the third and final part of the strange tale of the Mystery of the Cornish Ice Cream Cone and Mother.. Stranger in fact than Cornish Pixies and The Legend of Merlin.
Blob spoke to her mother briefly before Christmas to ask where to send her Christmas Card to and was told that she would be moving to Cornwall just in time for Christmas but if it went wrong then she would spend Christmas on Bodmin Moor in a tent. Hypothermia here we come!
The next time we hear from her mother is a card sent mid January with an address that she hasn't moved into yet and a phone number that she is not connected to yet. She was apparently stayng with an old school friend whos name is Madeleine, but who wants to be referred to as Florence for an indefinate period. How does she meet these people?
Now whilst all this was going on, Blob and her sister had wondered why their mother was moving so far away. If she ever got ill and needed help, they are five and six hours away from her respectively. So far away in fact that popping round on a Saturday afternoon for tea wouldn't be feasible. She had basically cut herself off from her friends and family, except for the old school friend Madeleine aka Florence who we have never heard off until now - so she was obviously a very good old friend.
Moving forward to now .... Blob's mother rang and started wittering on like she'd only been talking to her the day before.
The conversation went a little like this, and Blob was very restrained indeed!
Mother: Hello Darlilng, its mummy!
Blob: Hello!
Mother: I've moved into my house!
Blob: Well Done!
Blob didn't say: About Blooming Time!
Mother: I am really happy - its better than I ever remembered.
Blob: Jolly Good.
Blob didn't say: That makes a change!
Mother: I'm having the garage converted so I have a downstairs loo for when i have guests.
Blob: OK?
Blob didn't say: But you live alone - why the hell do you need a second loo?
Mother: And my neighbours are lovely - very friendly!
Blob: Thats good.
Blob didn't say: That won't last - you will be hating them and accusing them of all sorts of persecutionary tactics before the year is out!
Mother: How are you?
Blob: OK?
Blob didn't say: Oh now you ask!
Mother: Well often when I call you you've broken a leg or something!
Blob: Really?
Blob didn't say: What a load of tosh!
Mother: And I never hear from you anyway, I only get news about you when I speak to Rachael - she lets me know if you are ok.
Blob: Uh huh.
Blob didn't say: So you lost my number? That being the reason you couldn't call me? You would rather moan about me never calling you to Rachael than actually pick up the phone?
Mother: Anyway, I'm slowly unpacking!
Blob: That's good.
Blob didn't say: Yes, really slowly, you were at your last place for about 18 years and never unpacked, why would this place be any different?
Mother: So when I've finished you can come and stay - well you could come and stay anytime actually - I expect I could find you a bed.
Blob: Mmmmm.
Blob didn't say: Where the hell has this come from????? You live five hours away! Why would I come and stay?
Mother: Anyway, you have my number and my mobile should you need me.
Blob: Uh huh.
Mother: But you aren't likely to need me are you - I'm much more likely to need you.
Blob: Uh huh.
Blob didn't say: I'm really not liking where this is going!
Mother: So i'll let you get on - and look forward to seeing you when you come and stay.
Blob: Uh huh.
Blob didn't say: Since when was I coming to stay?
Mother: Bye then, Bye.
So as you see, there is an atmosphere of incredulity building in Chez Moi and now hopefully you will understand why.
And here ends Part 3.
Am really tired now after all that so best go get some kip. May need my strength later to help Blob pack for a long weekend in Cornwall!
Bob.
Your Blob should be congratulated for her restraint. Thank the Lord for drugs, eh? xx
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