Digging up the Past

Or perhaps digging in the present is more apt. This week I noticed that my Blob keeps on digging holes in the garden. Granted she fills them in again once she's planted something, but she definitely keeps digging.

Because I am a helpful cat, I thought that whilst she is out earning money to buy me food I would help her.

Being a cat I cannot manage the hoover or the dishwasher, but I can dig, so dig I did!

I dug holes the garden, especially where the earth was nice and soft where she had planted pumpkins. I dug holes in her radishes, in her carrots and finally, in her Aloe Vera tub in the living room.

Before you think any the worse of me, I didn't do anything in the holes, I just dug them.

When Blob came home, she found the holes and all I can say is that she ought to wash out her mouth with soap and water. Her language was quite unacceptable.

You can't win in this place, I may as well just sleep all day for all the thanks I get for anything else.

Unappreciatedly yours

Bob

Dyb Dyb Dyb!

Just as i thought this year couldn't get any worse ... that great big pink blob on two legs that is supposed to be here to feed me, love me and in fact worship me in any which way she can ... has gone and joined the Scouts.

Where she is supposed to get the time for this i have no idea, what with her impossibly bad guitar practice every day, a continual cooking of vegetarian curries, the weeding the chamomile lawn, the imminent return to her salsa class, cleaning out the sushi and her many many visits to the chiropractor, she is now spending an evening a week with a bunch of wild kids that are absolutely nothing to do with her.

'It's all about community spirit', she says,
'What you put into the community you get back,' she says,
'Its rewarding and enjoyable and it costs nothing,' she says.

'You're going to look a right plum in your uniform,' I say.

Nevertheless she is quite determined to make a success of this new venture and I suppose if she's happy, then i'm happy, although i would like to know who is going to feed me when she's gone camping with the little tearaways - she must have noticed by now that i cant open the pouches myself. Lets face it, there would be little need for her to hang around if I could!

Oh well, back to the duvet.

Dob Dob Dob!

Bob

Bad Books!

Today the big pink Blob who feeds me and I fell out and she's still not talking to me.

I was happily sunning myself in the garden, when two people turned up. I thought that Bob would like to be alone with her friends so i hightailed it over the fence, then snuck in the front and hid in the bedroom.

Nobody told me that they had come in part to see me!

Anyway as soon as they had gone, Blob called me names and hasn't spoken to me since. To be honest she has had other things on her mind since we fell out; making an egg and lentil curry; fixing the dishwasher that refused to empty and then leaked all over the kitchen; and then cleaning out the sushi so i can see them.

Finally, she constructed a bee home. This is now hanging in the garden. It looks very much like a goats milk carton from the outside.

You have to get underneath it to see its elegant workings.

She thinks its a work of art! I think its a milk carton with a load of rolled up paper tubes stuffed in it, padded with cotton wool balls and paper.

If it gets a sniff of interest from a passing ant i'll be impressed!

Its now getting close to supper time so I might have to put on the sweet and loving facade and rub up against her legs and purr. It makes me quite the hypocrite, but a cats gotta eat!

Here's to Hypocracy!

Bob

Busy Bees!

Its like buses. You don't hear sight nor sound of a bee for months, and suddenly the world is full of them.

Firstly my Big Pink Blob who loves me has a friend who has just built a hive and is off to get some bees to put in it. We aren't sure of the finer details, but that's roughly it.

Blob looked about her little garden and decided that she has no room in which to keep a bee hive. But out of the blue she received a newsletter from Innocent.

Innocent are an environmentally sound company that manufactures smoothies and juices and they are apparently very nice indeed. I wouldn't know because I am a cat and cats don't actually like fruit, juices or smoothies.

Although Blob doesn't have too many because they are quite expensive, she does enjoy the newsletter.

So this weeks newsletter arrived and what is included...? How to make a bee house! So Blob is off to find some paper straws and is going to make a bee house in her garden.

I realise that the uninitiated may not know what the difference is so here is the very simple explanation. (It has to be very simple because my Blob is not particularly bright!)

Bee hives are large wooden structures full of tray like things that the bees live and work in. The hive has a queen who is the boss, and the whole hive revolves around her and her baby making skills. Its like a mormon community, but instead of multiple wives, the queen has multiple husbands and lots and lots of servants.

The bi-product of having a bee hive is that you can nick some of the honey!

A bee house is a smoothie or milk carton with the bottom cut off, and stuffed with paper straws and insulation and it hangs about 4 ft off the ground in your garden and bees can come and live in it. These are not the same type of bees as the ones that live in hives. These are vagrant bees, or bees with social problems, or bees that come under the 'care in the community' schemes, or homeless bees that just want a warm dry place to live or bees with asbos who have been shunned from their communities.

A bee house does not have a queen, although i suspect that some of them may be a little camp at times. It does not have a social structure or a jobs for all policy, but if they want to go out to the pub together at night it would be ok. You also don't get any honey from a bee house, but you can get honey in the local farm shop and then replace the label so it looks like you got honey from your bee house!

Anyway, i hope you enjoy the website that is linked here and i hope that there will be many bee houses springing up in gardens everywhere.

Bob likes bees!

Bob!

Mystery of the Missing Pashminas

Blobs mother rang the other day and announced that she would be visiting.

Whilst on the phone, her mother said,

"If someone was to give you a pashmina - what colour would you like?"

"Black or violet" was Blobs response.

"Jolly Good!" said Blobs mother, and that was the end of it.

Whilst talking to Blobs sister, she understood that her sister had the same conversation.

From these two conversations, both Blob and her sister reckoned that their mother would visit and would be bringing pashminas.

I would agree with that assumption, in fact I don't know anyone who wouldn't.

So why, when Blobs mother visited both her and her sister were there no pashminas? Not a one. Not a sniff of one anywhere.

So what Blob and I want to know is, 'Where are the Pashminas?"

I, Bob, who last year solved the mystery of the missing minnows will put my not inconsiderable brain power to this particular mystery and solve it, and I do not need a gang, will not split up and look for clues or be bribed by Scooby Snacks, and I suspect that the solution will not revolve around the Caretaker in a rubber mask.

Gotta go now, have some detecting to do!

Bob

Pitifully Tuneless!

Blob is teaching her self Guitar.

Guitar is not a language, nor a form of finger crochet.

No Guitar is a big blue thing that sits on her knee and allows her to make a bad bad noise on it.

She has decided to become proficient enough in Guitar so she can sing songs around the Camp Fire. I am hoping for the Camp Fire's sake that she will become proficient in singing as well as Guitaring because she is not particularly proficient in either at the moment. In fact, if I was a Camp Fire I would have turned tail and run for it by now.

She has a book and a dvd and lots of scraps of paper she has printed off the interweb and even with all this support she hasn't progressed very far.

"Its coming along quite nicely" she yells from the sofa, "You cant expect me to be Bernie Tormé overnight"

"But its not been one overnight has it?" I mutter from the computer, "Its been more like three months of overnight and nothings improved"

"What did you say?" she shouts after a particularly tuneless C resonates around the room,

"I said I'm sure that in a few months you will have improved beyond recognition!" I lie whilst she hammers another version of 'Row Row Row the Boat' into the ground.

"Yeah Baby!" she croons happily and peruses her catalogue for black leather trousers.

I do sometimes despair. This is no life for a cat. She'll have me on keyboards next.

Bob.

What is Sharp?

Following on from my previous comments on 'What is Hot' where my Blob appeared to burn herself on everything around her, I believe that she now needs lessons on 'Sharp' not to be confused with that rather lovely Sean Bean who plays 'Sharpe'. Note the 'e' on the end. Although to be honest, I would think that she doesn't need lessons when it comes to 'Sharpe'. I suspect that she would know exactly what to do!!

Anyway, we are looking today at 'Sharp'.

A normal human being having spent 20 minutes in the kitchen sharpening all her kitchen knives would perhaps have an inkling that when using said knives they would be 'sharp'.

Let's not go any further into the events of that evening, but needless to say she spent a frantic few minutes trying to staunch the bleeding, and just at the point that she reckoned she probably should get herself to casualty, it began to slow.

She has been sporting a massive micropore and cotton wool dressing on her thumb ever since which is not attractive, especially as she died her roots last night. (Not many people have matching hair and thumb dressings!!

Perhaps she will take it off tonight and check on progress? Best make sure i'm there - if for nothing else but to laugh!

Bob.

Dr Who Rocks!

According to Blob that is. I would never deign to watch such rubbish.

Blob was quite in love with both Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant as her beloved Doctor Who, and was more than reticent about the commencement of the new series with the unknown Matt Smith taking the role.

Reticence all gone - she loved him! I know this because all her concentration was focused on the tv during the show and not on me - he must have been good.

Blobs friend Denise was suitably unimpressed by his first episode and one of her main complaints was that he spent the first five minutes on air, spitting food out which would encourage todays youngsters to do so (as if their behaviour wasn't bad enough already!).

Blob does want to point out to Denise that it was AA Milne and Tigger that started the spitting out of food (the chapter that seemed to be parodied on Saturday night), and there wasn't a major trend of spitting out food when that was published so how can we attribute the same to the lovely new Doctor Who (not Doctor Potato Head thank you Denise!)

Blob is looking forward very much to tomorrow nights episode, as well as Over the Rainbow and Casualty. She is especially looking forward to Casualty because she wants the nasty May to be found out and the lovely Nurse Jay to be found innocent.

So much intrigue going on on a Saturday night - its not surprising that she has no social life!!

Bob

Acts of Random Kindness

Today, the Blob what feeds and strokes me and sometimes shouts and says things like, 'Get your ar*e off the onion plants you big lumpy lump!', or 'dig another hole in the carrots and i'll plant you head first!', heard about a new movement called 'Acts of Random Kindness' or 'Ark'.

Its all about doing something nice for someone else for absolutely no reason other than 'you can!'

If everyone did this, then the world would be a nicer place and our karma's (whatever that is) will all be glowing and warm and when your karma is glowing and warm you attract goodness from the universe which is apparently a good thing.

Blob tried to explain about Karma to me but selflessness is not a cat concept, however she can perform random acts of kindness to me whenever she feels the need. Food, love, cat biccies - all that sort of thing would be welcomed.

Apparently this movement has a website and it sells things, but not for personal gain. The profits will apparently be philanthropically employed.

So keen was Blob to support this movement, she bought herself a T Shirt and some Knickers.

The idea is that whenever she wears them, she must perform an Act of Random Kindness and i understand that that doesn't include feeding me. Oh well - worth a shot I guess!

I am posting a link to the website here.

Blob would like all her friends and followers to perform Acts of Random Kindness even if they don't have T Shirts and Knickers, and should any of you be struggling for ideas, then you know my address and as you should by now know, I am always open to these Random Acts!

Bob
(Much in need of Kindness from Random Acts!)

Another long weekend!

The blob who feeds me does not believe in Easter, and does not in fact pay much attention to the Wiccan Eostar, but she does believe in Lovely Long Weekends.

She believes in long lie ins, toasted hot cross buns, planting potatoes and carrots.

She believes in Doctor Who (Not Doctor Potato Head Who - as mentioned by a friend who will remain nameless!) and Johnathan Creek, and she believes in the last ever Frost (alledgedly in two parts and will no doubt collide with Johnathan Creek and she thought the last one was the last one and what are they going to do this time - I spect he'll pop his mortal coil in this one - or will they want to leave it open for another 'last ever one' at Christmas?)

She believes in warm friends to visit and lots of tea to drink.

She is hoping that the weather holds because she wants to finish tidying up the garden before her mothers imminent visit next week, and once the garden is sorted, there is less likelihood of her tramping mud in on her clean floor!

She is so eager in fact for her long weekend that she is starting tonight by going to the sofa shop to look at a new sofa and then following that up with a visit to her friend Tina who apparently has been seeing some bloke - and Blob wants the details!

She also thinks that if she times it right, she can pop into Tescos on the way home and get all her groceries before bed time, and as long as there is Bob food included in that, then its fine by me!.

She has written a list of things she needs to do before Tuesday:

• Clean House
• Tidy Garden
• Plant Veg
• Visit Alison and Denise
• Pop in and see her sister
• Watch Dr Who
• Watch Johnathan Creek
• Buy Sofa
• Watch Frost
• Visit Tina
• Speak to man about being a Scout Volunteer.
• Drink Tea
• Drink Coffee
• Make sure she drinks 8 pints of water a day or something like that
• Do laundry
• Tidy Bedroom (This needs a separate entry from Clean House, because it is in quite a different league of mess)
• Get deliveries from Ebay purchase
• Get deliveries from Catalogue purchase
• Visit Chris and help her with her computer then have nice supper with Chris, Rachel and Kathryn.
• Do Grocery shopping.

All the above in no particular order!

Well good luck with that is what I say!

Bob