Begrudgingly

It is with a dignified sniff, a curled lip and in high dudgeon that I can announce that Blob is well underway with her website.

I only allow this to be announced because she got up late this morning and didn' t have time to faff about with my food, and she gave me a whole pouch - hooray for getting up late!

I suspect I will be offered the remains of yesterdays pouch for supper tonight, which lets face it will not go down well, if atall, and we will have a repeat of yesterdays tantrum in which i tried to destroy the house.

But for now, I have a full tummy and with a sneer I can announce that you may venture to
http://www.sarahholroyd.co.uk

Don't expect too much!

Bob

Half a Pouch!

Half a blooming pouch - I ask you. She got home tonight and said, "Bob!" Probably because that's my name, "Bob", she said, "You are on a diet with immediate effect."

I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what that meant, but I was sure it involved food - mainly because it was supper time and Blob was heading in the direction of the kitchen.

So I did my usual purring and rubbing routine because that usually ends with me getting food, and then bounced enthusiastically towards my bowl, only to be confronted with the smallest portion of cat food you have ever seen. As if it wasn't enough that i have to eat processed muck without a tail or pair of ears with it (granted that is probably my fault for not catching my own,) but to be confronted with a half portion - it wasn't on.

So cross was I, that i made a point of licking the fish food flakes off the floor and the work surface, and then rummaging through the clean laundry. I then tried to climb a plant pot and knock her diet coke over before i collapsed, too weak to do anything due to lack of nutrition.

Its been all I could do to get this, possibly my last ever blog, out to my viewing public.

Yours falteringly

Bob

A rose by any other name ...

The above is a part quotation from a play by some dude called Shakespeare. It means that what ever you call a rose, it is still a thorny bush in the garden.

However when its me getting called names I do tend to get a bit cross.

Heres a list of things that Blob called me over the course of the last weekend!

• Grumpy old goat
• Miserable moggy
• Fat Face
• Oi Porky
• Blimey look at the size of that stomach
• MOVE! (That one was shouted)
• I SAID MOVE! (That one was shouted louder)
• Grumpster
• Sulky Sal
• Great big lummox

And those were the ones I remembered - the others just faded into the miserable ether!

I am such a sad Bob at the moment ... When's Supper?

Bob

Good Books!

She's trying to get round me now. Today she went out and bought me a present which she brought home and then spent half an hour putting it all up for me in the garden.

In the words of the great Rolf Harris "Can you guess what it is yet?"

Probably not, but wait no longer - she purchased from B&Q a bird feeding set!

There is a peanut hangy thing, a seed hangy thing, some ball hangy things and a hanging frame for what looks and tastes like dripping.

I'm fine with the hangy things, but I cant reach the dripping.

Stupid Blob put it too high up. She got quite cross when she was putting it together and I walked off with a corner of the dripping thing. To be honest, I know she wanted it to attract birdies for me and if I steal some, then I get less birdies. But her language was unacceptable and anyway I'm big boned and that's all there is to it!

So to get back to business, tomorrow I shall be mainly sitting in the garden waiting for birdies.

Best get some sleep!

Bob

Nooooooooo!

How dare she. The ungrateful blob has done it now!

If it wasn't for the opposable thumb, i would really kick off and kick her out but i still cant get into pouches by myself.

Shes gone and created herself a website. Not content with me telling people what was going on (if anything) in her boring blob like life, shes now telling people herself.

Apparently it is still under construction, but as soon as she has something to show, she thinks she'll be putting a link to it on my blog.

Yeah right! Like thats going to happen.


Bob

Who'd of thought it.

This morning, I was fast asleep, curled up in my duvet whilst Blob struggled to get herself under a corner (she really needs to lose some weight - then she'd fit better under the corner that I leave her.

Anyway, I was asleep, and suddenly there was a whole load of banging and shouting. The other Blob came tearing into my room and woke up Blob.

"Quick, there's Police smashing next doors front door in."

Well I've never seen Blob move so fast and the two Blobs peeped out of windows and got all excited about a dawn raid on their neighbours house. There were even dogs being brought in in order to sniff out whatever it was the neighbours had been caught doing.

Drugs or money they reckon, although the second blob reckoned it might be people trafficking, until my Blob pointed out that you wouldn't need a dog to sniff out an illegal immigrant in houses our size. Its not like anyone could hide under the floor boards or in the airing cupboard and need a dog to sniff them out - not unless the policemen in question had extremely bad eyesight, and if that were the case, then they wouldn't be policemen - would they?

And during all this excitement, what was I doing? Hiding under the bed, is what I was doing!

That is until, Blob, who wanted a closer look at the policemen, wandered into the front garden under the guise of someone calling the cat!

"Bob!" she called, and "Bob!" again. She made a cursory scan of the bushes and smiled at the Policemen whilst calling "Bob!" once more. However her cover was blown when I decided to see what she wanted and followed her out of the front door. Embarrassed doesn't cover it!

I am a bad kitty!!!

Bob

Breathing My Last ... Maybe.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Blob had deserted me, the tv, the sofa and her bed for a tent in the New Forest.

But she hadn't gone alone - oh no - she was accompanying the 8th/14th Epsom Air Scouts on their Summer Camp.

"Ha", I thought, "Blob stuck for a week with a load of kids, that'll learn her," but no, she had a ball and came back with a huge smile on her face, very brown arms and shoulders and all the smells on her clothes smelt of good times, albeit a bit pungent good times, but good times nonetheless.

Blob has discovered that she is particularly good with 10 - 14 year olds. To my mind this is because she has not progressed maturity wise since that point, and I doubt if she would disagree!

She enjoyed their company so much that she ate with them most nights, and is still alive. She watched over them as they went climbing, abseilling and doing the leap of faith and she actually joined in when they did the zip wire.

She also flirted with all the instructors, lectured anyone that would listen about the damage we are doing to the environment, and drank cider (obviously not when the Scouts were looking)!

So this is what Blob does in preference to spending quality time with me, especially since i have a disease - have I told you about my disease?

She is back now, she spent a day in Glasgow this week, but is now happily slobbed out on the sofa watching Casualty and in a few minutes i will be crashed out across her legs.

Happy Happy Days (Apart from the disease bit)

Bob

Apologies

I am truly sorry that my Blog has been somewhat neglected over the past few weeks, however it would be fair to say that I too have been neglected, proportionally in fact to the neglect of my Blog.

Blob has seen fit to spend time in Leeds, Birmingham, Newcastle, Bristol during the weeks, leaving the other blob to feed me. She has then spent her weekends either sleeping, entertaining or doing boot fairs.

So what do I do whilst Blob is having a fun and active life ... I sit on the sofa and wait for her ... I eat ... I sleep ... I hide in the front garden in case she comes home ... I think up unpleasant things to do to the other blob ... I do unpleasant things to the other Blob ... More eating ... More sleeping ... More unpleasantness.

At last however, I cottoned on to the fact that she had a week off coming up, and my little feline mind was filled with happy pictures of lazy mornings in bed and equally lazy afternoons on the sofa!

My happy feline thoughts were in this case wrong.

Friday afternoon, she came home early, and promptly shoved me into a box and took me to the vets. There they stuck me with a needle and told us that I had peridentalthingummywotsit disease.

A disease! I have a disease! So what does Blob do ... takes a cursory look at her insurance papers, decides that my disease isn't covered, decides that she cant afford it and that is that.

So I have a disease and Blob is too mean to get me fixed. I ask you, what sort of a home is this?

Then whilst i am still coming to terms with the fact that I have a disease that will not be fixed cos Blob is too cheap to fix it, she packs up the car with her camping stuff and sods off to the New Forest for a week.

She left me! I could be dying! Granted I have no idea what peridentalthingummywotsit disease is, but i could be breathing my last, and she left me!

Too traumatised just thinking about it to continue .....

Bob