Faith in Human Nature

Some times my Blob is accused of being naive.

Some people tut and roll their eyes because they think she's daft.

Occasionally people get exasperated with her.

But Blob stoically ignores them and retains her weird faith in Human Nature.

I'll be honest, im not sure quite what human nature is unless it involves pandering to my every whim, but I guess its a human thing.

For example:

• Blob doesn't chain her bike up outside her house because she believes that her neighbours are trustworthy.
• She won't lock the door at night if the other blob is due in late because she firmly believes that univited people won't come in.
• She also thinks nothing of giving a pound to people struggling at the supermarket to find change for a trolley.

Today Blob walked out of her front door to find that her front gate that has been broken for two years since 'trick or treaters' kicked it down was fixed. A man who lives three doors up has been helping the neighbours with their front garden fence just took it upon himself to fix it for her. It wasn't a huge job and it was one that Blob could have done her self with a little motivation, but it didn't matter - he had drilled some new holes in the bricks, put up a new piece of wood with a makeshift latch on it and it looks great.

Blob was delighted - she's been strutting around the house all afternoon celebrating human nature and how nice the majority of people are.

She is going to make him a nice gooey pudding tomorrow night to say thank you.

So I say thank you too! I say thank you for Blob being happy because i get second suppers and I say thank you for making gooey puddings because I get to lick the cream bowl when she's finished or when she's not looking (whichever comes first).

Happy Days!

Bob

Eurovision Madness!!

The Eurovision Party Blob likes to regularly attend in north Kent was its usual madcap mayhem. Only this year because of a Millwall match men were in short supply.

Her friend Colin turned up but he forgot to bring his costume. Perhaps now is the time to say that it was a Fancy Dress Party. Every one pulls a country name out of a hat, and has to dress as that country and if possible bring some food of that country.

Colin was going to take a bag full of ash from the fire and go as Iceland. But he was forgiven because he brought the roast potatoes and sausage rolls with him and they were bought at Iceland so I guess that counts.

Blobs friend Alison went in red and white with a large array of kitchen implements around her waist on a belt. She was a Swiss Army Wife.

Blob went in a pair of jogging bottoms and a grubby old shirt covered in paint, and carried a bucket of decorating tools. She was Polish but im not sure how Painter Decorators have any connection to Poland.

A jolly good time was had by all, but there was considerable dissappointment in the room that none of the good looking young men won.

Blob quite fancied Boznia and Herzethingy, and Greece and Albania, but it was some German Adolescent with a squeaky voice like that Diane Vickers off the X Factor.

Great Britain came last which was disappointing but kind of expected. Josh was a baby faced young boy who couldn't match the Latin good looks of the Spanish Entry, the macho testosterone filled performance of Boznia and Greece or in fact the ability to hold a tune of most of the other entries.

Bring back Lloyd Webber, that's what Blob says - when he got involved, we came 10th or something which is a lot better than the last place this year or the attempt by Bin Man Andy off the X Factor a couple of years ago.

Oh well, it was all good fun and the food as usual was excellent. I know this because Blob came home late stinking of salami, cheese and calzone.

She didn't bring me any mind - oh no - i had processed chunks that pretend they taste of prawn and she had salami, cheese and calzone (whatever that is).

Yours deprivedly

Bob

Boys Eyes

Quite often, Blob is accused of having Boys Eyes. Apparently this means that she just doesnt see for looking. She doesnt notice hair cuts or clothes, she can be told to tidy her desk, but she just doesnt see the mess!

Her latest escapade proves this theory completely!

She dyed her roots the other night. It was getting late and she was tired (this is an excuse!).

Once the dye had taken, she rinsed it and washed it with the hand shower thingy, then ran the bath.

Whilst this was running, she pottered around the bathroom and did bathroom kinds of things if you get my drift!

She had a bath, ran it out, washed the bath (she is very domesticated in some respects) and before she went to bed, had a quick look round to make sure it was all clean and tidy.

It was.

She swears blind that it was.

It just so was.

Anyway, next morning the other big pink blob came out of the bathroom and asked if she was ok.

The reason for this was that the bathroom looked as if there had been a psycho attack. There was red splatter up the walls above the bath, behind the loo, on the floor and all over the loo seat.

Blob insisted that it hadnt been there last night - because it hadn't, it very definately hadn't.

Anyway, she and the other blob have been bleaching the dye off the walls and the loo seat, and scrubbing the tiles.

To be completely honest - the other blob has been doing most of the scrubbing but according to my Blob, that is because she has girls eyes! Obviously!

So apparently the lesson here is that Boys eyes are not just for Boys!

Bob

Busy Busy Busy

We've been awfully busy in the last couple of weeks, and that is why my Blogs have been a bit thin on the ground.

What on earth have you been doing? I hear you cry across the ether.

Well where to begin:

• Scouts on Monday - we like scouts - Blob likes the kids because they are a bit wild, and run the leaders ragged. They are Air Scouts and as such must be certified by the RAF. Our RAF inspection is on the 2nd July. This is a big night and Blob is in charge of building a pizza oven on the bbq pit and making, cooking and serving edible pizzas on the night! Best prep the local hospitals for an abundance of ecoli cases that weekend!.
• For the last couple of weeks, Blob has been travelling on business - she was in Nottingham last week. Sadly there was no sign of Russell Crowe or Alan Rickman (that was a reference for all of us who watched the Costner version and wanted the Sheriff of Nottingham to win!).
• She was in Cardiff this week. She had two whole days there this time but didnt go to the doctor who museum this time. She's been four times before and this time decided to slob out in her hotel room and watch the junior apprentice. She cannot be alone in loving this particular reality show. Much better than the adult one.
• Thursdays, she helps out at a friends Cubs a couple of miles away - tonight however they are at the local college watching an amateur version of The Little Shop of Horrors - theres going to be some tears before bedtime if im any judge of drama. That is a scary musical. The dentist alone would give the kids nightmares, let alone an alien plant eating even the good guys. Blob has seen this in the West End, and the original Jack Nicholson version.
• Fridays she has started going back to Salsa in the evening and is enjoying a couple of hours of dancing before bed time.
• With the advent of the good weather last Saturday was weed the chamomile lawn in the back and prune the bushes at the front, move the bulb tubs, and weedkill the unwanted guests growing through the gravel. Shes off to get another couple of sacks of white gravel this weekend and will clean up the front.
• This weekend coming - she is going to a Eurovision Party - but that as they say, is another story.

So all the above has kind of conspired against any blog writing. But despite the punishing schedule, I will endeavour to get out of bed and keep this a little more uptodate.

Yours exhaustedly

Bob

What is it?

This has appeared in my living room. It smells funny, it feels funny and I don't like it!

Apparently it is a brown leather sofa. It feels funny on my feet and i have been sulking miserably for three days now.

Blob on the other hand has been counting how many different ways and positions there are of sitting on her new sofa.

15 if you count sitting on the arms. (Blob wants me to point out that she is an expert at sitting on sofas, and sitting on the arms of sofas could be dangerous without the necessary skill and safety gear and is not something you should try at home.)

She can add another 3 if you allow upside down sitting!

Very strange!

Bob

Election Fever

If someone had told me a few years ago that my lacksaidaisical Blob would bother voting, never mind watching the election shows I would have laughed in their faces, however Blob got home tonight from Cubs and ransacked the cupboard for her voting card and shot out to put her cross on a piece of paper and then post it.

She then raced home, jumped in the bath and is now curled up in bed with David Dimbleby and Jeremy Vine. (Not physically obviously!)

Lawd knows how long she's going to be watching! She'll probably fall asleep none the wiser and wake up tomorrow drooling on her pillow.

Blobs are disgusting creatures!

Bob

Bigotted?

Blob's not so little niece was talking to her mother the other day and the conversation apparently went a little like this:

Amber: Mum, is it good or bad to have big tits?

Rachael: Well, it depends, why?

Amber: Well, is it a nice thing to have big tits?

Rachael: OK, yes, it is quite nice but not if they're too big.

Amber: So is it nice for someone to tell you that you have big tits?

Rachael: I suppose that if someone you care about says that you have big tits and they are being nice, then it would be ok. Why all the questions?

Amber: Well why was that woman so upset when Gordon Brown said she was Big Titted?

Blob's sister still hasn't worked out if Amber was telling a joke or being serious.

I suspect that the same can be said of Gordon Brown.

Bob

An update

Not sure quite why there has been a lack of Blog this week. Something perhaps to do with my Blobs increased mobility in her back so we've been doing lots of other stuff instead.

Last week she managed to:

• Help with scouts on Monday
• Visit Scout Master on Tuesday to fill out forms for enhanced criminal record check. (This apparently does not automatically make her an enhanced criminal - shame that, it could have been fun - she could have been an enhanced criminal and i could have been her sidekick 'Cat Burglar'!)
• Wednesday was slimming club or at least 'not gaining any weight' club.
• Thursday she got talked into helping out at someone elses cub group.
• Friday, she and her mate went back to Salsa classes and she came home wiggling her appendages and singing so I expect she enjoyed it.

The weekend she did very little indeed to be honest, and now, whilst she slobs out in front of Holby City, i can now take the time to write an update.

• Number of radishes growing in tub that I dug holes in - None
• No of pumpkins growing where I dug holes - None
• No of bees currently residing in the Bee Home - None (I told her it was rubbish)
• No of flowers on the lilac - One!
• Number of potatoes growing in sacks that I couldn't get into to dig holes - shed loads!
• Number of carrots growing in tub that I dug holes in - two! (See I'm not completely destructive!)
• Number of lettuce leaves in the cut 'n come tub - more than Blob is likely to eat in a month of Sundays (I really don't know why she grows lettuce leaves, when she won't eat salad!)
• Number of Garlics growing in tubs all around the place - 12 (there's going to be some bad breath come September!)

So that's what's been happening here at No. 10.

And here's looking forward to another action packed week of watching vegetables grow!

Bob

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