Burnt

Some of you may remember that i behaved rather badly a few months ago when trying to get some food off Blobs plate.

I have tried to behave a little better since, however today she roast herself a pork belly, marianated in Mead and cooked on apples, sage and onions, and served it with a cider gravy.

When that came out of the oven i was literally quivering with anticipation and even beginning to drool a little (and I don't do drooling).

She carved herself a plateful and I could hear the crackling crack and the knife slicing the meat as if it was butter.

So desperate was i to get some (obviously because she is a great cook and I am her greatest fan - did my nose grow visibly just then?), that i was becoming a little impatient with my claws on her leg.

Now she made all the usual noises, and swore all the usual swears, but the smell was driving me wild.

If by any chance I had listened to her I would have heard words; "Wait!" and "Hot!" but I was far too busy being irritating.

So eventually she completely lost her rag and passed me a chunk of meat and said "Burn yourself on that then, and dont coming running to me when your nose catches fire?"

All I can say is that it was hot.

It was very hot.

I took a huge mouthful, shrieked, hissed and ran away.

I came back five minutes later, and surprisingly enough wasnt particularly interested in the pork any more.

But I did manage to sit in front of the fire making irritating mouth noises for the next two hours as partial revenge and I am still considering calling the RSPCA only my mouth is too sore to formulate words.

Miserably yours

Burnt Bob

George has it sooooooo wrong.

George, who is one of the pair of cats who lives with Blobs Godmother Jacky who I am sure has been previously mentioned sent me an email the other day.

Apparently my limping technique is regarded with some derision in their household.

Apparently George thinks he has bettered my limping technique by having a sore on his side.

Apparently if he licks the sore he gets lots of attention and doesnt forget he has a sore.

Well i have just one thing to say to you George:

"Sucker!"

I pretend to have a limp and then forget to limp. Depending on the timing of the said forgetting, leaves me with nice treats and no limp.

You, George, may well get your treats when you lick your sore, but at the end of the day, you still have a sore you great lummux.

And you get to wear the cone of indignity when you are caught.

So dont go calling me the amateur.

Much affrontedly

Bob

The Limp

Here's another lesson in getting ones own way with minimum effort. It is called 'The Limp'.

Firstly, it is much easier to limp on a front foot than a back foot. This way one also gets to sit down and lift ones foot up in the air in a rather pathetic way.

This was one of my favourite ruses, and was worth the effort (especially if you try it coming down stairs to meet your Blob as she gets home from work), just to see the look on her face as she drops her bags and rushes to ones side to tend her poor, sore, unhappy Bob.

Unfortunately, you need to think long term in when you attempt such a ruse. My mistake was to forget to continue with the limp after i had had the first reaction, and bounded gaily to the kitchen (on all four feet) as Blob rose to get her little darling something nice!

Whoops!

I did try it again today, but just got 'The Look', which basically translates into "Forget it Bobster, do I look like I was born yesterday?"

Well apparently that is a rhetorical question, and things may have turned out better if I hadn't tried to suggest that it was laughably obvious that she was considerably older than that.

Another Whoops!

I wonder if you can limp on two feet at one time?

Bob
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Now its Lewis Carrolls turn ...

Quote from Alice in Wonderland:

"I didn't know that Cheshire Cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know that Cats could grin." - Alice

Quote from me:

"Cats can grin, but are unlikely to find anything human remotely funny enough to warrant the effort." - Bob

Not Funny!

And the quote for today that made my Blob laugh so loud and long that i could count her fillings is:

"Something to remember, that: Cats for missiles"

Mervyn Peake, Titus Groan.

The sooner she gets over this Peake thing, the better.

Yours (not a missile)

Bob

Who is this Mervyn Peake?

The Blob what feeds me (when it suits her) has been searching the interweb for a DVD for her mothers Birthday.

There was a programme on some years ago (many years ago should Blob be honest about her age) which involved Derek Jacobi - one of Blobs mothers favourites. It was a series about a Mr Pye, who reaped the rewards of his good or bad deeds by either growing wings or horns. Blob cant actually remember the whole story but fully intends to find a copy of the book.

Anyway, she has been looking for the dvd of the series for a 70th Birthday Present because she knows her mother will appreciate it.

Sadly, it is no longer in production, but she persevered and has discovered that the son of Mervyn Peake who is known as Sebastian Peake has a copy of the video and will run off DVD copies for a small sum.

So she came home tonight delighted and raced about trying to find her cheque book.

She doesn't expect her efforts to be appreciated but thats nothing new.

So according to Blob, Mervyn Peake rocks and so does Sebastian Peake for enabling her to get something special.

It's all lost on me unfortunately, because although I could probably learn to read, i would never manage to turn the pages - No Opposable Thumbs!

Bob
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Jealous?

Why, when i have just got comfortable and am undertaking my ablutions, in this particular instance on Blobs Duffel Coat, does she whinge and whine about lack of hygiene, and me not choosing a good time or place for such things.

One can only assume that she is jealous!

She cannot suck her toes - I can.

She cannot clean her toenails with her tongue - I can.

She cannot smooth her spine with her paws and tongue - and guess what, I can.

Theres quite a few other things that she can't do but I might take her hint about time and place and not go into details.

But I can!

Bob
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Congratulations to Henry

Henry has obviously been taking me seriously which firstly means he is the only one that does, but secondly his photos have improved no end thanks to my wisdom. Here is Henry's latest, and Im sure that it involved extra treats, because that is the main reason for becoming camera candy!

Go Henry!!


Bob
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