I don't believe it!

Blob has barely been back from Norfolk 8 weeks and shes packing up to go to Cornwall (wherever that is). I am not holding out any hope for a place on this evidently exciting and addictive pastime - I shall be left at home to the mercy of the other Blob to feed me if i'm lucky. I can sense some feline weightloss coming.

That reminds me, I never published this because the indignity of a trip to the vet isn't something i like to dwell on - but I lost a whole pound last year - the vets very pleased indeed, although when Blob and I left the vets, I'm quite sure I heard her telling the receptionist that I was a 'Bloody Great Brute of a Cat!'

Is that good?

Any how back to that ingrate buggering off to Cornwall.

As soon as I realised something was up and the tent was being dusted down, I decided to show Blob how much she is actually appreciated. So I brought her a present. I thought long and hard about what to get her and then I remembered that she is always chattering away to those porky little birds on the fence - you know the ones with the pretty red chests. So I brought her one.

She should have been delighted, but there was definately an air of 'angst' and not very well hidden 'crossness' the next morning.

She wandered about muttering, 'I don't ask much, I turned a blind eye to the doormouse, the firecrest and the bats, but you have to go and get a Robin.'

Well if I had known the bird was a friend of hers called Robin, I wouldn't have touched him - maybe.

So I am now sulking, and she is still packing.

I hope it rains!

Bob

x

The case of the disappearing Minnow!

Life has been fairly uneventful here in my house with Blob. So quiet in fact that I have had to take up a new hobby. I am now an official cat detective. Exciting isn't it!.

It all started when Blob, not being satisfied with her three vaguely happy fish and all their somewhat strange sexual shenanigans, and she came home with six minnows. I believe that they had a posh name such as 'White Cloud Mountain Minnows', but who cares! The interesting thing was that there were six shiny swimmy things flying around the sushi bar and as soon as Blob leaves for work, I spent many happy hours on the kitchen work surface counting them!

It was a couple of weeks ago that she invited another Blob round for supper (to which i was not invited despite several passionate attempts to sit on the table.)

So there we are, my Blob, the other Blob that lives here and a third Blob all gathered around the sushi bar ignoring me. Third blob said ' so what are your minnows called'. My Blob responded, 'Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub'. Apparently this is a 'Blob Joke'!

Third Blob looked very closely at the sushi bar and said, 'but there are only five!'

Now the facts of the matter appear to be as follows:

• Goldfish do not eat minnows.
• They have plenty to eat.
• There are lots of plants for them to eat.
• Talulah is persuing anything vaguely female with vigorous enthusiasm.
• Crispin is looking extremely large and slow.
• The algae eater 'Algernon' is just a cleaner - or is he. Hong Kong Fooey was supposedly just a cleaner so perhaps Algernon has a secret alter ego.
• Oliver (nice but dim) is still looking very pretty and floaty and therefore obviously innocent.

I spent hours and hours interrogating the sushi (actually I just lay down next to the Sushi Bar and stared at them), and have come up with the following theories:

• Goldfish probably don't intend to eat minnows, but Crispin has a very big mouth.
• Talulah may have been particularly attracted to the vanished Minnow (subsequently discovered to be Cuthbert) and in view of the considerable size difference, any covert activities of a possibly sexual nature would have probably finished Cuthbert off.
• Crispin laid some eggs, and then wasn't so large and slow - so is either completely not guilty of nefarious activities, or was suffering from pre natal depression and can put in a plea of temporary insanity.
• Algernon is actually leading a double life, not as a super hero, but as a disgraced government assassin in hiding.
• Oliver is still so floaty and pretty and watchable that she couldn't be involved in any way. (Take my word on that - I'm a cat)

Anyway, two water changes later, and we've still not found the skeleton so the theories will remain, but what really happened to Cuthbert will remain a mystery to all of us (except the sushi - obviously).

Ooooh, its supper time!!!!!!!!!!!

Speak soon.

Bob