I am Bob. I currently live in a house. I live with a large two legged pink blob of the female persuasion who housekeeps for me. She's not very good and quite often doesn't get out of my bed in time for my morning feeding. She also goes out all day and sometimes doesn't get back in time for my supper. To this end, we got another large two legged pink blob to live in the spare room and she feeds me when the first one doesn't get home 'til late.
I am beginning to think that they have some form of intelligent communication process, because if one of them feeds me, the other one won't, no matter how much i demand it, so perhaps the constant yap that comes out of their mouths actually means something to them.
Big pink blob brought me home a cushion to sit on.
As if i would sit on something that tacky, however i don't actually want to upset her so i sit on it when she's around - just to keep her happy mind, not because its really comfy and in front of the wood burner and no one else is allowed on it.
I have started to note down my thoughts and current events in order to alleviate the boredom because once the blob has left for the day, the Jeremy Kyle Show is over, and Fern and Phillip have finished putting the world to rights, I am at a thoroughly loose end. Lets face it there are only so many squirrels you can chase before you get all sweaty and break a claw and other such tiresome inconveniences.
I'm now bored and need a quick nap before either of the blobs get home - it takes an awful lot of energy to blag supper off both of them!
Now listen here, Bob,young fellow-me-lad. That 'pink blob' happens to be one of my most long standing pals, so just you behave or I'll send the Phoebster round and she'll have a thing or two to say (probably ' You work on that pink blob, I'll work on the other and we'll get double dinner between us!)
ReplyDeleteStrictly speaking, oh Bob, you can't actually get 'all' sweaty. Just your paws.
ReplyDeleteAndy, you may be a vet, but bobs a cat and if he says he's sweaty then its much safer to agree with him.
ReplyDeleteHi Bob, my name's Pickle. I have two pink blob feeders as well. Any tips on how I can get a 2nd meal? So far my and my sister have tried clawing the carpet by the bowls, jumping on the TV remote and tripping them up... currently to no avail...
ReplyDeletePickle - the answer is subtlety. Clawing and jumping is no good - its too obvious.
ReplyDeleteRule 1 - keep the blobs separate - they communicate.
Rule 2 - play on their pity - try putting leaves from the pot plant on the remains of dinner so they think its been there for ever. Give them the Antonio Banderas look. Start eating bits of fluff off the carpet.
Rule 3 - pull your stomach in.
It works for me, but my blobs are particularly stupid!